I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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