i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
