did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
