WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
