one two three fourrrrnication!
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
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