Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
