I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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