I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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