One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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