you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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