i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
