wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Randomize
