got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize