My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
