She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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