I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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