u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
