I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
