In the future we'll all be gay
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
