So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
