I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
