im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
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