I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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