I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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