It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
