I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
