woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
