if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
