im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Even my vagina gasped.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
