Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i just google imaged poop.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
