One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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