I am puke
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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