If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
