he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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