I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
