It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
