Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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