I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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