I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
