Pants 0. Shit 1.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
