walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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