Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
