I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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