god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
