Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
even my farts smell like vagina
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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