I heard we made out
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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