you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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