I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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