I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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