So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
