She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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