You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
how drunk are you?
Several
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
